Let Go of Control

The first pillar, acceptance, involves letting go of resistance to what is or the need to control what’s happening. Many of us have a tendency to control everything about our lives. But life has its own ways and not everything can be in our control. Suffering happens when we try to control instead of surrendering to “What is.” Being in Presence means letting go of control and surrendering to whatever is happening.

Step into the flow of life and trust that everything is happening at the right time for the right reasons. When something happens that’s not in your control, then notice the sensations. Are you feeling constricted? What happens in your belly, jaw, and shoulders? Are there sensations in other parts of your body? Notice them. And then take few deep breaths, exhaling from your mouth. And say to yourself “Everything is exactly as it’s meant to be’ or “Everything is in perfect divine order,” “All is well,” “I trust that there’s a bigger plan.” You can choose any of these or make your own. This rewires your nervous system so eventually you no longer react to stressful events with anger or fear.

It takes time to find the blessing in every situation that’s not in your control. It could be something as simple as being stuck in traffic or missing a flight or not getting the job you wanted. I can assure you that when you look back at the situation, you'll find the pieces of the puzzle fitting together. Maybe missing your flight led to you meeting the love of your life. Maybe not getting the job you wanted kept you looking and eventually finding a much better job.

Acceptance of impermanence

We all face challenges at times in life. Without challenges and pain, we would never grow. Maybe you’re facing health challenges, you’re stuck in a job you don’t like, you want to be in a relationship but you don’t have one, or maybe your relationship is terrible but you’re stuck.

Once you accept the reality that nothing is permanent, and that change is the law of life, the pain, suffering, and stress goes away. Let’s say you’ve lost a job and it’s causing you pain and stress. Remind yourself that this state is impermanent; it will change. Change is the law of the universe, and you have a choice to either embrace that change and accept the inevitability of it or resist it and suffer.

Practice Nonattachment

Some people feel they have to be attached to something important if they want to be successful at it. But the opposite is the case. Let’s say you have a job interview for your dream job or a meeting with your dream client or a date with your dream woman or man. If you’re worried, stressed, or scared of the outcome, then it will show in your demeanor and in your face. What would happen if you show up at this interview, meeting, or date just looking and feeling your best, all prepared, but you’re okay with whatever happens. Imagine the feeling of lightness; you feel no pressure to perform for a successful outcome. You trust that the outcome will the best outcome for you. If you get the outcome you desired, then celebrate, but if you don’t, then you just remind yourself that you gave your best and there’s probably a better job, client, or partner waiting for you. This is nonattachment. You give your best without worrying about the results, without trying to control the outcome .